Katie Sewell’s Thoughts on the Border Wall

 

 

Hey guys, I’m just wondering if it’s obvious that I dropped out of graphic design in high school?

 

Wow. Political commentary. I’m branching out.

In case you haven’t noticed, I have some pretty out-there opinions. I’m a weirdo. I don’t fit in. And I don’t want to fit in. Have you ever seen me without this stupid shirt on? That’s weird.

Because I parade around in a shirt decked out with my face, people expect weirdness. But still, I’m afraid to share some of my most crazy political opinions. For some reason, people are really against the idea of a second civil war, even when its marketed as The Civil War: The Sequel and features people who don’t believe in putting pineapple on pizza mercilessly slaughtering people that do. I, for one, think this is a great idea and am considering adding it to my platform,

However the amount of disapproval in my Civil War idea I receive, I pledge this year to no longer conform to the ideals of mainstream politics. I’m tired of politicians asking unimportant questions like “Mr. Trump, why won’t you let us reopen the government?” and “How can we make healthcare affordable and accessible for everyone?” This year, I’m asking the real questions like “Do people who live in Indiana deserve rights?” or “Should we move Alaska and Hawaii to the mainland so they’re a part of the continental United States?” However, perhaps my most important question is this one: Does America need a border wall?

Now, if you’ve read my Brexit article, you understand my stance on immigration in general (If not, here’s the link). I think America has duty to its citizens to patrol the comings and goings of foreign fish, especially since it has failed its people in the past. When I go fishing in Lake Erie, I want to catch some walleye or some perch, not wrangle an Asian carp. America has already failed its citizens when it comes to keeping foreign fish out of American waters. Therefore, I think the border wall is a good step towards solving the problem of invasive species. With the wall, fish won’t be able to use the Rio Grande as an access point into American waterways, therefore limiting exposure to invasive species. Think of it as reparations for every time you’ve gone swimming in Lake Erie and exited the water only to find your leg encrusted in zebra mussels.

However, if President Trump gets to build a wall, I believe that I should be able to build a wall too. I want to build a wall around Lake Erie. Why? Because if we’re building a wall along the southern border, why shouldn’t we build a wall around the northern border too. Cutting Lake Erie off completely from the rest of America will probably lower pollution throughout the entire country. Also, with no water flow in or out of the lake, it will probably become stagnant and then all the invasive species will die. Or new bacteria will grow and somehow make zebra mussels even more invincible.

In fact, why stop just at Lake Erie? Let’s just build a wall along every border the US. Of course, we’ll have to put underwater doors in the wall around the Florida border so manatees can migrate to warmer waters during the winter months, but I think that this can be achieved with underwater border patrol like I suggested in my Brexit article.

Imagine– America shut off from the rest of the world: no foreign contact, no foreign imports, and no foreign fish! Just true Americans, boxed in a country with no way to leave. As time wears on, us Americans will run out of resources. We’ll be forced to fight each other for what we have left. And if everything goes to plan, people will pick sides based on their favorite pizza toppings, perfectly setting the stage for Civil War 2: This Time its Pineapple.

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Did that joke work? Pineapple instead of personal? I’m on the fence about this one. Or should I say, the wall?