18 life lessons

Friends, Floridians, Countrymen,

As some of you may know, I turned 18 this Saturday. It’s hard to believe that, even though my birthday was only two days ago, I have learned so many life lessons. Today, I’m going to share 18 of the life lessons I’ve learned since turning 18.

 

1. If people ask if you’re a Jeb Bush supporter,  DO NOT give them a straight answer
2. If they ask you if Jeb Bush faked the crucifixion, DO give them a straight answer
3. Life is too short to not listen to bad Irish punk music
4.  If people say that they like you, it’s probably because they like you
5. The best place for a spiritual awakening is Applebees
6. You’re not Italian unless you’ve made ravioli with a Catholic bishop
7. Don’t believe your mom if she says you’re not related to Leonardo DiCaprio
8. If you’re unsure of your parentage, Barbara Jean from Reba is probably your real mom
9. Don’t waste time on people who don’t enjoy hearing you talk
10. Settlers of Catan is a stupid game because if everybody pooled their resources and made a tiny village, then they would be more successful
11.  Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives is not a bad show
12. Don’t buy 100 pieces of birthday cake. That’s too many.
13. Sometimes you will be conflicted. This is normal. You’ve made too many snap decisions in the past.
14. Having roosters cover every inch of your house is not normal.
15. You’re going to look bad in a lot of pictures. Get over it. It’s better to have the pictures and look bad in them than to not have them at all.
16. It is completely acceptable to watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy over and over again and anyone who disagrees is wrong.
17. Sometimes Donald will not be wearing trousers. You’ll need to find them for him.
18. If there’s a lightbulb in the lamp, there’s a lightbulb in the lamp.